Kakak yang hebat. Bukan senang.

To be the only older sister that your brothers and sisters look up to is not easy. Well, that goes without saying. Menjadi satu-satunya “role model” to your little siblings adalah perkara yang amat menyusahkan. For example, my brother yang muda 2 tahun from me always seek me for advices. Be it studies problem or even his so-called love problem.  As usual, this kakak yang baik hati akan tolong to solve his problems, but sometimes it gets annoying. He will message me at 2 in the morning and ask me to help him. Why the hell budak sekolah yang akan pergi sekolah dalam 4 jam not sleeping pada pukul 2 pagi?! My other brother pula always pesters me to help him create his Facebook account, which I already did for him because rasa annoyed and kesian at the same time. Paling kesian, my sisters. Sebagai seorang kakak yang ingin melihat adik-adiknya berjaya, I always ask them to study. I even bribe them to study hard, which usually not successful and I will try other alternative iaitu, “kalau tidak study kakak jadi hulk”. But kakak pun manusia biasa, sikap malas itu senantiasa bersarang di badannya. 

One day my sister study English, and because kakaknya belajar English nun jauh di perak sana, dia pun bertanya la kepada kakaknya mengenai perkataan yang tidak difahaminya. Amboi kakaknya itu menyuruh dia mengambil kamus dan mencari makna perkataan itu sendiri. I feel guilty. Truly. As an older sister, THE ONLY OLDER SISTER, the responsibility I bear is much like a breadwinner of my family, although I belum kerja pun. Apatah lagi when you have an older brother yang don’t act like he supposed to for the family, the responsibility is greater. Sigh. I remember when I was little, waktu tu belum ada adik perempuan, and I also thought I will be the only daughter in the family forever, my mother will tell my other siblings “jangan kacau kakak”, “jangan buat kakak nangis”, “jangan suruh kakak buat kerja”. I admit I enjoyed the attention. But that was old story. Now, every year I have to think about my little siblings before I do something for myself.

That sense of responsibility of a sister sangat kuat, even my allowance money is used for them. Although once in a while, (well not actually once in a while but always) I want to pentingkan diri sendiri, don’t care about my siblings at all, but deep inside my heart, there is always room for them. Room for them to use up my money sampai kering. Argh! Menjadi kakak yang hebat, sangat sangat sangat menyusahkan!!! 

lots of love

~tayaldo~xoxo